Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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