dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
