i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
