whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize