I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
