Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
this hospital has no fireball
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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