I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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