I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
