I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize