you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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