I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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