Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
