I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
