I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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