with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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