No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
