I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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