even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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