I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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