Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
