ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
