.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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