I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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