never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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