Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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