I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize