it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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