I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
