At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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