Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
