mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
