so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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