my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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