What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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