The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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