Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
