Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
