Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
