mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
