There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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