but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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