remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's shark week go big or go home
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
