mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
