My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
