thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
