I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
vagina is talking i cant
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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