Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
