I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
