hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
