he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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