During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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