Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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