Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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