Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
