we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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