Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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