I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Come see our sink grown plant.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
