so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
