I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
