We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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