This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
