I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
