I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
