JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
