He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
