you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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