I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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