First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
