What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
